Labels are good on Jars… Not Humans.

Ballina sunrise Dean Lloyd photo

Language and its power to impact.

“People can label me anything they like. Ultimately it’s up to me if I stick it on and wear it around.”

When we can identify what it is we are attempting to achieve through the use of language, we become clear of the power it has to control and influence. We are all born free of fear. It is how we are molded by what we hear and see that ultimately determines our future.

By changing the way I spoke and the language I used, I significantly changed the trajectory of my life.

I was not long out of prison and attempting to jump back into abstinence (12 step) based recovery. When a counselor challenged me to become mindful of what I was saying. Essentially to listen to what I was going to say and to think before I spoke.

The reason for challenging me, was because I was constantly complaining. Complaining about how I believed everyone was treating me like I was a criminal. My counselor said, “maybe if you stop behaving like a criminal then they will stop treating you like one”….. OUCH, that was hard to hear, but something that I sooooo needed to hear. It was at this moment I had a wonderful realization. A lightbulb moment, a breakthrough an epiphany one could say. People can label me anything they like! Ultimately it’s up to me if I stick it on and wear it around.

With my newfound awareness, I became conscious of how I spoke. I started to remove words like woulda, coulda, shoulda, gunna, a little bit, sometimes and many more. What I discovered was that how I spoke would often minimize what I spoke about. I was unclear in my ability to communicate appropriately which would often leave me feeling confused and unsure.

Language is such a powerful tool either limiting or enhancing messages, Reinforcing messages in our heads about who we are and what we are capable of. This is something that is starkly evident in the in the world of Psychiatry, where a diagnosis is so impacting it can be life changing. Plus just a relevant in the business arena with job titles and positions.

I started to use “I” statements and was in the middle of completing a graduate certificate in Gestalt Therapy. In this process learned how to take personal responsibility. Coincidentally my entire life started to improve significantly. I was no longer a passenger or hostage to old ideas patterns and ways of thinking. I was responsible for myself and the outcomes of my life. What a powerful revelation.

As the years pass by and my work as a counselor constantly evolves. I have discovered a way to develop a client’s ability to self discover the value of personal responsibility. It has come from a world I believed would not disrupt the therapeutic landscape, Technology!

A solution in technology encapsulator

Founded by a Danny Shannon good friend and colleague I have been able to utilize encapsulator as a tool for my own personal development and growth in many different ways. As a result of using encapsulator it has allowed me to incorporate technology into my coaching and therapeutic practices.

Another important lesson I have learned from implementing encapsulator, is when I can provide people a space to identify who they are free from outside influence, ego or judgment. encapsulator does this so well through its video creation, storage process and time-locked vault. Because we now live in a world where people now communicate at a rapid pace 24/7 through whatever device is within arm’s length. Judgment is such common practice, generally, taking place within the milliseconds of a swipe.

“Fake news, it is amazing the powerful vaule these two words have had”

The labeling of human beings is such a limiting and inhibitive process. Using language to keep people stuck or only perform to a certain level doesn’t promote or foster Emotional Intelligence. The powerful influence language can have, need only be witnessed by the ability of an individual to be able to create something such as “fake news“. Fake news is a practice that is equivalent to gaslighting. It is amazing the powerful value these two words have had!

Now with your new-found awareness. I invite you to become mindful of your language, be gentle, be kind. Understand the importance of saying nice things to yourself not just other people. This is a friendly reminder, that how you talk to yourself and others creates the world you live in.

When I find myself labeling others a great tool for me to use is Byron Katie’s judge your neighbor worksheet this has saved me countless hours in arguments.

“This is why it is best to leave LABELS to be attached to bottles, cans or jars.”

Because there is nothing more frustrating than a can in the cupboard without a label on it.

#technology #lifecoaching #Accountability #emotionalintelligence


How to create a healthy work environment.

How are you looking after yourself or someone you care about?

One of the easiest ways to improve health and wellbeing. Is to ensure you are hugging the people around you enough.

As a result of hugging more often it has been proven that less trips to the doctor are required. Less sick days are taken but staff members.

In general more hugging provides people with an overwhelming feeling of happiness. Why don’t you start to improve your life today. Give someone a hug.

Why not try to give or receive at least 8 hugs today. See if it changes your out look on life.

There is a saying by Virginia Satir, an often quoted family therapist, 

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

But if you really want to kick your life into gear try 12 hugs a day for at least a week.

Let me know how you go.

Social Media or Antisocial Media …..

Defining the landscape of social media, professional media and private media platforms.

Delusion of connection, The search of looking for things out side of myself;

Social Media:

Social Media has provided so much benefit to so many, essentially making the world a smaller place. In doing this, it has at the Macro level provided a way of connecting instantly with anyone, anywhere at anytime across the globe. Which sounds like it is connecting people like never before and in some instances it is. Fantastic right, well…. the illusion it has created is, that it is connecting people at a greater scale on a Micro level as well. Making it easier for me to participate in my best buddy Jeff’s life from the lounge instead of reality.

However, as I was watching a key note presentation from Gabor Maté regarding disconnection and how its impacts are rippling through the fabric of modern day society. It has reinforced my belief in relation to the significant micro impact social media is having on society today. Disconnecting through the illusion of connection. Social Media is such a subtle and subversive beast drawing us in with the chance we can become virally popular any second now, only to mysteriously disappear down a rabbit hole where the concept of time is unobtainable. Only to resurface and discover that I have missed my kids soccer game, friends birthday or entire days. Social Media is relatively new in the big picture, with its long lasting impacts for society, yet to be fully understood.

When I filter social media through lens of my most recent studies in counselling and community services. At a foundational level it was I believe impossible, for the Facebook behemoth to become anything else. Starting our as way for Ivy League college’s to rate how women look (a platform of competition and judging). Evolving into the juggernaut it has become today, it would be no surprise to me if it slowly destroyed itself. Social Media has Television as a medium becoming a leader in direct sales and targeted marketing, by harvesting as much data as possible. But thats another article…

Professional Media:

Professional Media Platform

LinkedIn which started out as the place to go when looking for a job with a component of B2B sales. Just like a Kardashian has shown us how to commoditise social media. LinkedIn has provided the platform and education in the world of Professional Media when conducting B2B. LinkedIn is the sensible grown up sibling of the digital era, that has been invited into the cool gang that everyone wants to hang with. As a result of this new found social capital, LinkedIn has been able to leveraged up their “popular kid” value which has led Influencer‘s to attempt to recreate their success through strategies that have worked on Social Media Platforms. Ultimately blurring the lines between social and professional media platforms.

LinkedIn has rapidly evolved in the last 12 months. Essentially from a professional business platform that was disrupting the recruitment space. A network to validate your professional credentials through people you have worked for or with.

Into what is now, creating a boom in personal branding for people who are being referred to as influencers. However, the LinkedIn platform (algorithm) works differently. Which has ultimately created a space for the Engager. Somewhat more savvy than the standard social media user, LinkedIn users are leveraging their knowledge and expertise in specific areas, creating a niche out of personal quirks, to connect with their “people/tribe” to provide insight and awareness for others (value). Subtly selling after building a relationship with their “followers” as a result of niche expert content posted.

The LinkedIn algorithm appears to be in constant flux which I think can be a good thing. However can make it difficult to conduct business in a confident way. If you look at the removal of likes on Instagram in Australia and Canada, the impact that has on a company or individual to “Influence” from a business perspective diminishes. It’s scary to think that your growing business could be switched off over night. Some may believe that It would be crazy for LinkedIn to do something like Instagram, plus they already have commoditised their value. A free month of platinum subscription evolving into the subscription to sales force business tool an impression of a CRM.

Welcome to the new era of business where an algorithm can make or break what you set out to achieve.

Personal Media:

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As the pendulum swings space inevitably opens up, listening to current push back from society and government in relation to social media and its power. What I am hearing from leaders such as Jacinda Ardern regarding social media and the ABC’s Q & A program on mental health. Is a request for something new, something different. Something other that total exposure.

Hearing this I am reminded of a favourite quote (and name) of mine from Richard Buckminster Fuller

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”

Knock Knock…… Enter Encapsulator a Digital Time Capsule company founded by Danny Shannon and his willingness to give back in the AOD recovery space. It was during one of their early staff meetings that the phrase “Personal Media Platform” was first uttered.

While I am in no way suggesting Personal Media will replace any other types of media. What I am saying is now is it’s defining moment, do people actually want something different? “YES” its a resounding yes.

Built out of the foundation of giving back, with an Ethos of wanting to help people with less to become more. Encapsulator sits at the alternative end of the spectrum to Facebook foundationally. They don’t want your information or data… WTF? Encapsulator just wants to help you, become the best you, you can be.

You may be struggling to grapple with this concept at first. I can hear the gasps now! “you mean create content for the sole purpose of……. Me?” I know right what a loving and caring thing to do. Which is in my belief, exactly what the world could do with right now some self-love, self-care and a great big healing hug.

The experience Encapsulator creates is profoundly unique, confronting and beneficial on a personal level with the potential ripple effect of mass self care an exciting prospect. A self help tool designed specifically to improve peoples lives through innovative use of technology. Such a different foundational space than it predecessors.

A confidential space, free from outside influence and ego, allowing individuals to record and upload content into a time locked vault for future benefit. A platform that paradoxically introduces you to the greatest influencer in your life…. YOU!!!!

Social Media has now been the Status Quo long enough. It will be interesting to see if, how or where Personal Media will sit or be adopted. One thing is for sure we are seeing people and government(s) push back, in the social media space an unconscious request for something different.

Encapsulator has organically grown, by assisting people who are transitioning from a life of substance dependence, barriers and struggle into a world of their own understanding and choice. Supporting Self Awareness, Self Connection, personally driven by their values and goals.

Evolving into a self help tool for anyone wanting to change. With a myriad of other uses identified in the corporate and private world.

Encapsulator is a Personal Media Platform that uncle Buckminster could be proud of. A way to discover yourself free from outside influence or impact. FREEDOM….. from the bondage of the online world.

Something Different……..